The Houston Verdict

Fair and Balanced Satire Since 2002

Week of August 3, 2003

Kelly's Korner

Not by Kelly Burke

Ve Have Vays.....

It has come to my attention that some of you have been talking about me behind my back.  As you should know by now, it is an offense punishable by stoning to say anything about yours truly that does not sing my praises in glowing terms.  THIS DISRESPECT OF MY AUTHORITY MUST CEASE IMMEDIATELY!!!  It is only fair to warn you that I have established an intricate network of informants throughout Houston County.  Think it's safe to talk about me over lunch, think again.  I'll find out before you can say scattered, smothered and covered.  I know when you are sleeping.  I know when you're awake.  I know when you've been talking about me so you better not for goodness' sake. 

All of this blatant disrespect for my authority has forced me to form the County Wide Socialists American Workers Party to better keep an eye on things.  Our science directorate is currently developing the "Deep Probe" thought reader that will be able to detect unkind thought towards yours truly.  Be warned that thought crimes will be just as vigorously pursued as actually disrespecting my authority out loud.

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As you probably know, this site is a little thing we like to call satire, it is not the Houston Home Journal nor is it District Attorney Kelly Burke's site.  It is however dedicated to illustrating the surreal nature of life with King Kelly, DA of  Houston County.  If you need this footnote to tell you this, you either rode the short bus to school or you are Kelly Burke.    This site was created on a private computer in a private home, on a private internet connection, to a privately owned domain.