Police Sketch Artist Rendering of Suspect
Houston County's Finest Yellow Journalism Since 2002
December 6, 2004
Santa Claus Still at Large
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Police Sketch Artist Rendering of Suspect |
Charlotte Webb - Staff Writer
In a press conference yesterday afternoon, District Attorney Kelly Burke reminded the citizens of Houston County that Santa Claus remains at large after being indicted in January for burglary and criminal trespass. Burke said that police informants have advised authorities that Mr. Claus fled the jurisdiction to the North Pole last December. The same informants believe that Claus intends to return to Houston County on December 24th in his so-called "flying sleigh.". Burke also advised that several Patriot missile batteries will be brought into Houston County on the 23rd to secure the skies of Houston County.
Burke asked that anyone that sees Claus call authorities and not approach Claus as he is believed to be armed and dangerous. Anyone with any information regarding Santa Claus is asked to call the Houston County District Attorney's Santa Claus Hotline at (478) 218-4810.
As of press time, the Grinch was unavailable for comment.
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As you probably know, this site is a little thing we like to call satire, it is not the Houston Home Journal nor is it District Attorney Kelly Burke's site. It is however dedicated to illustrating the surreal nature of life with King Kelly, DA of Houston County. If you need this footnote to tell you this, you either rode the short bus to school or you are Kelly Burke. This site was created on a private computer in a private home, on a private internet connection, to a privately owned domain. |
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