The Houston Verdict

Early this morning, District Attorney Kelly Burke announced the indictment of Santa Claus for burglary and criminal trespass.   According to Burke's press release, Santa Claus, aka Saint Nicholas, aka Papa Noel, aka Julinisse,  aka Father Christmas, aka Old Man Christmas, aka Pere Noel, aka Kriss Kringle, aka Befana, aka Basbouschka was indicted by special presentment for 2,134 counts of burglary and 1,420 counts of criminal trespass arising from activities late December 24th through early morning December 25th.  The indictment alleges that Mr. Claus entered numerous homes in Houston County without the owners' permission.  Police are also seeking two accomplices described as males, 3' 6 " tall with striped hats and pointy shoes. 

Insiders close to Burke say that Burke was angered when he discovered that his socks had been filled with coal and switches sometime during the night on Christmas Eve.  In a telephone interview, Burke indicated that he intends to seek the maximum amount of prison time and stated, "Jolly old elf my ass, this sends a powerful message that Houston County will not tolerate indiscriminate gift giving!"

As of press time Burgermeister Meisterburger was unavailable for comment.