The Houston Verdict

Throwing Caution to the Wind Since 2002

June 14, 2004

Houston District Attorney Kelly Burke Attacked by Killer Rabbit

Charlotte Webb
Staff Writer

- Perry, GA - 

    Early Saturday morning Houston County District Attorney Kelly Burke was attacked by what is thought to be a Vorpal Rabbit.  Burke was fishing at the time of the attack.  He tried to fend the rabbit off with his oar but was forced to shoot the rabbit with his taser and then bludgeon it with the oar.  Said Burke, "It was coming right for me hissing menacingly, its teeth flashing and nostrils flared, I had no choice."  After being tasered and bludgeoned, the rabbit died of unknown causes.  Autopsy results are pending from the GBI.  After the incident,  Burke was quoted as saying, "This sends a powerful message that Houston County will not tolerate rampaging rodents."

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As you probably know, this site is a little thing we like to call satire, it is not the Houston Home Journal nor is it District Attorney Kelly Burke's site.  It is however dedicated to illustrating the surreal nature of life with King Kelly, DA of  Houston County.  If you need this footnote to tell you this, you either rode the short bus to school or you are Kelly Burke.    This site was created on a private computer in a private home, on a private internet connection, to a privately owned domain.