The Houston Verdict

Houston County's Largest Organ

April 5, 2004

Kelly's Korner

Not by Kelly Burke

Rules are Rules

It has come to my attention that many of Houston County's probationers are flagrantly violating the condition of probation that prohibits contact with people of harmful or disreputable character.  You may ask, "But Kelly, what does that mean?"  A typical example would be a probationer associating with convicted felons.  We have learned many Houston County probationers knowingly and willfully associate with a man who has been convicted of a capital crime and associates with prostitutes and other outcasts from society.  You may wonder, "who can this man be?"  Our investigation has revealed that his name is Jesus of Nazareth, aka Yeshua.  He may also go by the street name of Morning Star.  Large numbers of probationer have been found to associate with this convicted felon on a weekly basis.  Our probation division has been given no choice but to obtain warrants for over 300 probationers.  We expect to file petitions to revoke their probation early next year.  Our new get tough policy regarding association with convicted felons sends a powerful message that Yours Truly will not tolerate the infraction of even the most insignificant rule.

As of press time, the Pharisees were unavailable for comment.

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As you probably know, this site is a little thing we like to call satire, it is not the Houston Home Journal nor is it District Attorney Kelly Burke's site.  It is however dedicated to illustrating the surreal nature of life with King Kelly, DA of  Houston County.  If you need this footnote to tell you this, you either rode the short bus to school or you are Kelly Burke.    This site was created on a private computer in a private home, on a private internet connection, to a privately owned domain.