DA Burke Poses with Slain Elves
Violating a Special Condition of Probation Since 2002
December 13, 2004
Santa Escapes North Pole Raid
Seven Elves Slain
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DA Burke Poses with Slain Elves |
Charlotte Webb - Staff Writer
A daylight raid on Santa's North Pole compound left seven elves dead and Santa on the run. Determined to bring Santa to justice, Houston County District Attorney, Kelly Burke, leased a nuclear submarine from the Russian Navy and surfaced it just outside Claus' compound at the North Pole. Armed mercenaries streamed out of the Russian sub with orders to capture Claus at all costs. The ensuing firefight left seven elves dead and many more wounded. Witnesses report that when Burke and his mercenaries approached Claus he winked, laid his middle finger beside his nose and disappeared. Burke vowed that Claus would be brought to justice before the 24th. "His reign of terror will soon end," said Burke.
As of press time, Oliver Cromwell was unavailable for comment.
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As you probably know, this site is a little thing we like to call satire, it is not the Houston Home Journal nor is it District Attorney Kelly Burke's site. It is however dedicated to illustrating the surreal nature of life with King Kelly, DA of Houston County. If you need this footnote to tell you this, you either rode the short bus to school or you are Kelly Burke. This site was created on a private computer in a private home, on a private internet connection, to a privately owned domain. |
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