The Houston Verdict

Beats All You've Never Saw Since 2002

August 30, 2004

Commission Finds DA Kelly Burke to be Lying Sack of Excrement

Charlotte Webb
Staff Writer

- Perry, GA - 

    A commission investigating Houston County District Attorney Kelly Burke's claim that his office has an 80% conviction rate issued their findings today.  The report stated that under any imaginable reading of Burke's record, he averaged only a 66.19% conviction rate between 1997 and 2003.  Last year he had an abysmal 42.86% conviction rate.  The commission wrapped up their report by saying that the only conclusion that adequately explains Burke's contentions concerning his conviction rate is that he is a, "lying sack of excrement."  When asked to comment on his conviction rate Burke replied, "When you talk about what my conviction rate is, it really depends on what you mean by 'is'."

    As of press time, Bill Clinton was unavailable for comment.

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As you probably know, this site is a little thing we like to call satire, it is not the Houston Home Journal nor is it District Attorney Kelly Burke's site.  It is however dedicated to illustrating the surreal nature of life with King Kelly, DA of  Houston County.  If you need this footnote to tell you this, you either rode the short bus to school or you are Kelly Burke.    This site was created on a private computer in a private home, on a private internet connection, to a privately owned domain.