The Houston Verdict

Never Meanin' No Harm Since 2002

August 23, 2004

District Attorney Kelly Burke Announces Death Penalty Innovations

Charlotte Webb
Staff Writer

- Perry, GA - 

    Houston County District Attorney Kelly Burke announced plans today to change Georgia law to allow the death penalty for any crime.  While conceding that the law currently prohibits the death penalty unless someone has been killed, he stated, "If people only did something that they knew would come to pass, a lot of innovative things would never happen."  "Most killings start with a misdemeanor, so why not nip it in the bud?"  Burke said that speeding and other traffic offenses are especially troubling because most high speed chases start with some sort of traffic offense.  Said Burke, "We need to send a powerful message that if you speed or fail to maintain your lane, the State will kill you."  Burke also intends to ask legislators to allow torture of those given the death penalty to "soften them up first."  Under Burke's scheme, those sentenced to death would be tortured in a medieval device known as the Juda's Cradle and then drawn and quartered. 

    Constitutional scholars say that Burke's plan is blatantly unconstitutional, a giant leap backwards and "the dumbest idea they had ever heard."

    As of press time Uday and Qusay Hussein were unavailable for comment.

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