The Houston Verdict

Now with Ten Percent Less Anal Leakage

Week of September 8, 2003

Kelly's Korner

Not by Kelly Burke

Imaginary Friends

As I was plotting global domination, uh I mean my re-election campaign, I found myself chatting with my Imaginary Friend concerning campaign strategy. It went something like this:

Kelly: I wonder if we should change our campaign slogan from crime equals punishment to something a little catchier?

Imaginary Friend: REDRUM! REDRUM!

Kelly: That is catchy but what about the crime angle?

Imaginary Friend: I am the Walrus, goo goo g'joob.

Kelly: Really? You make a good point.

Imaginary Friend: Then as of this moment they're on double secret probation!

Kelly: Double secret probation, hmmm....

Imaginary Friend: Look out helter skelter. She's coming down fast. Yes she is.

Kelly: Maybe if we went with crime equals redrum?

Imaginary Friend: This one time at band camp.........

Kelly: No, no, I'm not worried about the band geek vote. The will be rounded up when the time comes.

Imaginary Friend: Gonna Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! the poor, Tonight!

Kelly: Of course, but not until the election is over.

Imaginary Friend: Where's the beef?

Kelly: WHO told you THAT??

Imaginary Friend: Yabba Dabba Doo!

Kelly: I'm leaning back towards crime equals punishment.

Imaginary Friend: All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.

Kelly: Nice, but a little wordy.

Imaginary Friend: Eggiwegs! I would like... to smash them!

Kelly: Crime equals eggiwegs has a nice ring to it.

Imaginary Friend: I see dead people.

Kelly: Where!?

Imaginary Friend: Constitution, Schmonstitution!

Kelly: That goes without saying.

Imaginary Friend: "Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe; All mimsy were the borogoves, and the mome raths outgrave.

Kelly: Interesting, but I think I'll go with crime equals eggiwegs.

Imaginary Friend: Aaaaaarrrrrhhhhhhhh.

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As you probably know, this site is a little thing we like to call satire, it is not the Houston Home Journal nor is it District Attorney Kelly Burke's site.  It is however dedicated to illustrating the surreal nature of life with King Kelly, DA of  Houston County.  If you need this footnote to tell you this, you either rode the short bus to school or you are Kelly Burke.  This site was created on a private computer in a private home, on a private internet connection, to a privately owned domain.