The Houston Verdict

Wouldn't Change if We Could Since 2002

November 8, 2004

DA Kelly Burke Diagnosed with Power Intoxication

Charlotte Webb
Staff Writer

- Perry, GA - 

    Following  a press conference that went terribly awry Friday morning, District Attorney Kelly Burke was diagnosed with Power Intoxication by staff physician, Joe Mengele.  Attendees of the press conference became concerned when Burke's speech was slurred, he was unsteady on his feet and his eyes were extremely bloodshot.  Burke approached the podium and said, "Dude, I am like so totally baked," before throwing up on the podium and passing out.  Burke was rushed to his private clinic where he was promptly diagnosed with power intoxication, sometimes known as being "drunk" with power.

    Several onlookers also noted that Burke's trademark eye patch had been pushed up onto his forehead, revealing what appeared to be a perfectly good eye.  This left some wondering whether Burke actually lost an eye in a duel as he has claimed in the past.

    Symptoms of power intoxication include megalomania, irrational behavior, paranoia, plans for world domination and general crankiness. Experts in the field say there is no cure for power intoxication.

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