The Houston Verdict

Out on Bond Awaiting Trial Since 2002

Week of October 26, 2003

Demonic Plague Hits Courthouse

Early response exorcists from the Diocese of Atlanta work on DA Kelly Burke

Charlotte Webb - Staff Writer

According to a press release issued late yesterday from the Houston County District Attorney's Office, an early morning accident in an unnamed Assistant District Attorney's Office led to the release of at least a legion of demons into the Houston County Courthouse.  According to the press release, which was hand-written in an unusual reddish brown "ink", the unnamed ADA inadvertently transposed two Latin phrases in an incantation that was meant to convey the immortal souls of two DA staff members to the Prince of Darkness in order to assure DA Kelly Burke's re-election next year.  Instead, the incantation briefly opened a portal to hell and a large number of demons were released into the DA's office.  The demonic horde then spread quickly to the rest of the Courthouse.

Reports have come in throughout the day of bleeding walls, levitating judges, head-spinning Assistant District Attorneys and large amounts of green vomit throughout the Judicial Complex.  The Sheriff's Department has reportedly requested the assistance of the Catholic Church to exorcise the Courthouse and any affected occupants.  A contingent of priests is said to be flying into Robins Air Force Base from Rome.  They are expected to arrive by late afternoon today.  Meanwhile, fire trucks filled with holy water surround the Courthouse in an effort to contain the situation until help arrives.

As of press time, Linda Blair was unavailable for comment.

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As you probably know, this site is a little thing we like to call satire, it is not the Houston Home Journal nor is it District Attorney Kelly Burke's site.  It is however dedicated to illustrating the surreal nature of life with King Kelly, DA of  Houston County.  If you need this footnote to tell you this, you either rode the short bus to school or you are Kelly Burke.    This site was created on a private computer in a private home, on a private internet connection, to a privately owned domain.