The Houston Verdict
Doing Hard Time Since 2002

May 12, 2005

 Four Arrested in Boogergate

In what courthouse pundits are calling Boogergate, three Assistant Public Defenders and a Court Bailiff were arrested yesterday for allegedly gambling in court.  According to a press release from District Attorney Kelly Burke, an Assistant District Attorney overhead those arrested making bets as to whether or not Kelly Burke would “eat the booger he was attempting to pick from his nose.”   One arrestee was quoted in a police report as saying, “there he was, wrist deep, digging a particularly well-entrenched booger from his beak -- as if he were in a private setting where time had been suspended... obviously in some euphoria.  We had to bet on whether he would eat the prize for which he struggled so.”   As crime scene technicians and hazardous material teams searched beneath Burke’s chair in courtroom three, some were left wondering whether all the fuss is worth it.  In response Burke said, “Nothing is too insignificant to escape prosecution to the fullest extent of the law.  Now we have penny ante gambling, the next thing you know there is anarchy in the streets.  Justice must be served.”   Burke also said he has not decided whether or not to seek the death penalty. 

As of press time, Spalding Smails was unavailable for comment.

Associate Reporter Ty Webb contributed to this story

For the story behind the story click here.

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As you probably know, this site is a little thing we like to call satire, it is not the Houston Home Journal nor is it District Attorney Kelly Burke's site.  It is however dedicated to illustrating the surreal nature of life with King Kelly, DA of  Houston County.  If you need this footnote to tell you this, you either rode the short bus to school or you are Kelly Burke.    This site was created on a private computer in a private home, on a private internet connection, to a privately owned domain.