The Houston Verdict
Slowly Losing Our Minds Since 2002

February 14, 2005

Kelly's Korner

Not by Kelly Burke

Better Off Dead

    People often stop me in the back aisle of the video store as of late and ask me questions like, "Kelly why do so many defendants die before trial in Houston County?" and "Is it legal for law enforcement to shoot an unarmed man  in the back 346 times?"  I tell them that as a fiscal conservative I can say with great certainty that a few 9mm rounds or some 9 volt batteries for the Ol' Sparky Model DOA Taser is a small price to pay compared to the alternative.  If a suspect lives all the way through a trial, we have to pay to house them in jail waiting for trial, pay all sorts of people to hold the trial and on the off chance they get convicted in Houston County, the cost to house them post conviction.  It's just a lot cheaper to bust a cap in someone if the officer has a mere suspicion of criminal activity.  

    I can hear the fanatics now, "wait a minute Kelly, what about the Constitution, what about due process?"  To them I say, "Process, shmocess, somebody has to pay the price.  It's not like we are talking about NORPs.  These "people" aren't our kind of people and doesn't that really make them not people at all and if they aren't people, what's the big whoop?"  Next.

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As you probably know, this site is a little thing we like to call satire, it is not the Houston Home Journal nor is it District Attorney Kelly Burke's site.  It is however dedicated to illustrating the surreal nature of life with King Kelly, DA of  Houston County.  If you need this footnote to tell you this, you either rode the short bus to school or you are Kelly Burke.    This site was created on a private computer in a private home, on a private internet connection, to a privately owned domain.