The Houston Verdict

Someday the Mountain Might Get Us but the Law Never Will Since 2002

October 13, 2004

"There is No Proof I Used Witness Money for Hookers and Gambling Debts" Says DA Kelly Burke

Charlotte Webb
Staff Writer

- Perry, GA - 

   Houston County District Attorney Kelly Burke announced in a press conference outside his office today that there is no proof that he used money from a witness account for prostitution and gambling.  When a reporter pointed out to Burke that no such allegations had been made Burke replied, "I don't know about that, but there is no way anybody can prove that I used that money for hookers and gambling debts!"  "There is absolutely no way that I could be indicted!"  "Whores are notorious liars." "I did not take a love offering from the witness fund!"  Burke then broke a rendition of I Like to Dance a Little Sidestep and ran back into his office.

    As of press time, Charles Durning was unavailable for comment.

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As you probably know, this site is a little thing we like to call satire, it is not the Houston Home Journal nor is it District Attorney Kelly Burke's site.  It is however dedicated to illustrating the surreal nature of life with King Kelly, DA of  Houston County.  If you need this footnote to tell you this, you either rode the short bus to school or you are Kelly Burke.    This site was created on a private computer in a private home, on a private internet connection, to a privately owned domain.