The Houston Verdict

Fair and Balanced Satire Since 2002

Week of August 24, 2003

EXTRA!

Hot Air Overwhelms Judicial Complex Air Conditioning Units

 
Temporary A/C Unit Outside HCJC

Charlotte Webb - Staff Writer

At approximately 8:00 a.m. Monday morning, all of the air conditioning units at the new Houston County Judicial Complex failed due to excessive hot air inside the courthouse.  An investigation revealed that the District Attorney's Office was producing over 300,000 btu/hr in hot air.  Most of the hot air seemed to emanate from District Attorney Kelly Burke's personal office and supply closet.  Said one worker, "it's the damndest thing I've ever seen!  You could bake a turkey in that office.  The closer you get to Burke's office the worse it gets."   According to one air conditioning technician, "these units just weren't designed for this kind of workload.  It was only a matter of time before they failed." 

After the air conditioning units failed, the heat quickly spread to the rest of the courthouse.  The situation was further complicated when two prospective jurors spontaneously combusted in the jury assembly room.  Thankfully, the jurors were extinguished by quick thinking bailiffs before the fire was able to spread.  After the incident with the prospective jurors, a temporary air conditioner was flown in and installed in front of the courthouse to reduce the risk of fire.  The temporary unit was able to reduce the ambient temperature inside the courthouse to a balmy 105 degrees F.

Repairs to the system are expected to take well into next week.  It is believed that the units will continue to fail even after repairs unless a commercial chimney/ventilation system is installed in Burke's office or Burke is finally deposed.

For the Story Behind the Story Click Here!  

Home

As you probably know, this site is a little thing we like to call satire, it is not the Houston Home Journal nor is it District Attorney Kelly Burke's site.  It is however dedicated to illustrating the surreal nature of life with King Kelly, DA of  Houston County.  If you need this footnote to tell you this, you either rode the short bus to school or you are Kelly Burke.    This site was created on a private computer in a private home, on a private internet connection, to a privately owned domain.